Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
