he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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