My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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