I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
