So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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