I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
