Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
