i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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