I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
