All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
