So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
