I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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