Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
