How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
