Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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