I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
