Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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