I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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