That's when you crack a 10am beer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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