dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
