Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
