He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
