Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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