were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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