i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is wine microwaveable?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
