Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
