What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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