the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
