i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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