i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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