Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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