So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
