Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
