Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how does that bad decision feel?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
