I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
