I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
