Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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