I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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