I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she looked like the before picture.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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