the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
