saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
