So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
