dude i'm inner monologue high
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
FUCK WHALES
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