plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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