i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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