hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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