meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
