She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
