so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
