Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
