I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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