So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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