i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
