drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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