I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
