Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
