I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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