just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
