OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
