I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......