just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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