well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
