I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.