Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!