Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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